It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
