I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
