I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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