mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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