Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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