coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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