she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
