Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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