and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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