Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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