i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize