We won't sleep together?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
