omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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