I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
