If i come over, it means nothing
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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