@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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