you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
