Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
