i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
