im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
