nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
