He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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