Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
