last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
