1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
