Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Drunk is not a location!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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