Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
