So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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