Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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