kristin has been a bad kristin
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
