we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
