i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
