I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Randomize
