it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
