am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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