So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Randomize