Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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