My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
