lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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