my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize