Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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