Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
