Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
