I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
