I seem to have left my pride at pride
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
