he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
