I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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