The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
