I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize