Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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