The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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