She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I wish there were birth control emojis
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
