so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
