I should be sponsored by Trojan
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
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