Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
