So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
