does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Are we still banned from the library?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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