There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
