I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize
