then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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