you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
