I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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