She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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