you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
