I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
