my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
