The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
