He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
