i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
