Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
