Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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