She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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